the ultimate fringey venue review

We all know that it's not just who you're going to see, but where you go to see them. Bad viewpoints and muddly sound make all the difference, so la Fringey are giving you some super short reviews of the London venues that matter!

*Betsy Trotwood - (capacity 60, I would dispute this figure! it is much smaller!) - for the band with a very select following and the crowd that likes to get cosy.

*12 Bar Club - (capacity 100) - tiny tiny venue/pub in Denmark Street, and split level, so if you are stood in front of the stage you can only see the performers from the neck down. Except the drummer off course).

*the Old Blue Last - (capacity 100-ish I think) - located in Shoreditch and owned by Vice magazine its the place to come for the pretentious, scene, type gigs. Prepare youself to be stared at by groups of selfconcious teenage bleached blondie wannabes. Bless.

*the Metro Club - (capacity 175) - a tiny subterranean venue bang in the centre of London with good views of the stage from the bar. But the stage is a bit low, so if the chap or chappess on vocals is a short arse, good luck with getting a look.

*Barfly - (capacity 200) - is actually a rubbish little sweatbox, but gets consistently good acts to play and we quite like some of their club nights too. But beware the heated rail running round the bottom of the downstairs bar- it's a scorcher!

*Water Rats Theatre - (capacity 200) - a pub at the front with a stage out the back, It's shabby, it's dingy, it's in the middle of Kings Cross...We love it.

*Islington Bar Academy - (capacity 250) - haven't got round to checking it out.

*the Spitz - (capacity 250) located right next to Spitalfields market, it's a small venue for more the more off beat act. Unfortunately the bar ran out of vodka AND gin the night I was there. Bad Spitz, bad, bad, bad venue!

*100 Club - (capacity 290) - has the longest stage ever, for such a small venue, with bars at either end. The stage is also low, so wear your heels if you want to see (and not much else, cause it can get hot in there!)

*Bardens Boudoir - (capacity 300) - seemed lots smaller, and the stage is only slightly raised, so it would help if you could be tall on the nights that you visit. Oh and the gin was randomly priced throughout the evening, but always on the cheap side!

*Marquee Level 5 - (capacity 400) - light, airy with nice squidgey seats, reasonable sized bar, a wee stage and a rather disconcerting view that won't let you forget that you are actually in Leicester Square!

*Rhythm Factory - (capacity 450) - a very basic big room out the back of a cafe bar type set up. Very low stage, so get to the front, although there are various places for short arses to perch along the sides. There is also another bar along the back, - if you can't stand the heat near the stage.

*93 Feet East - (capacity 450) - flippin pillars block your view, and the sound is crap if you aren't standing in the middle. but we love it, the bar next door is handy if the support band are rubbish and they will normally have barbque type burgers available to purchase out in the yard, should you feel a bit peckish.

*Cargo - (capacity 500) - a beer garden for the summer, loungable seating in the main bar and the stage bit has another bar sensibly along the back, so you can still see the support acts while getting the drinks in.

*The Garage - (capacity 500) - dark and dingy with sticky floors. like the worst students union you've ever been to.

*Islington Academy - (capacity 800) - a bit soulless, with it being in a shopping centre an' all, but the sound was good and had easy access to the bar along the side, allowing you to keep one eye on the stage.

*ULU - (capacity 800) - it's a student union so the bar's a bit airport loungey but drinks are cheap and the stage is well high so you get a real good view innit'. Sound can be a bit muddy though, if there's a lot of bass.

*Marquee Leicester Sq - (capacity 900) - thankfully, unlike level five, there are no windows in here so it's easy to forget that you are in fact having a night out in Leicester Square. Bar staff very friendly, with a penchant for free pouring and generous measures. It has a big stage along the wall that is easy to see no matter where you stand, but sound is best in the middle.

*Scala - (capacity 980) - another Kings Cross scuzz fest, this time spread over several levels

*Meanfiddler - (capacity 1000) - Just a big long room with the stage at the far end, so can be difficult to get a good view, although upstairs is ok if you arrive early enough to hang over the side. Also, while waiting on the roadies to set up, they will almost certainly play you 2 Many DJ's Radio Soulwax vol 2. On Repeat.

*Electric Ballroom - (capacity 1100) - Abysmal sound from the upstairs, so stay at ground level. Unfortunately then you probably won't get to see anything unless you are above average height. The bars were awkward to get to, and had huge queues, so we didn't really bother. It will never loose that 'goth' vibe either.

*Koko - (capacity 1500) - Lots of bonus points for putting a bit more effort into the ruby red decor, the multiple bars on multible levels and having a massive glitterball. Very good views if you're not afraid of heights, not so great at ground level.

*Astoria - (capacity 2000) - its the ultimate mid size central London venue, a good view from most postions and a bar along the back behind the lighting desk so you can still get the drinks in while watching the support act! - although the sound from behind the desk is a bit rubbish.

*Shepherds Bush Empire - (capacity 2000) - there seems to be a magical space that exists round the bar to left of the stage which means you are usually guaranteed a good vantage point and immediate access to booze.

*Kentish Town Forum - (capacity 2110) - a cavernous building with rubbish sound.

*Hammersmith Palais - (capacity 2230) - its quite a big place, with no balcony, so seems sprawling, but the ceilings are low giving it an intimate feel and the decor pretty good. (ie - it didn't have the industrial lead piping look or was just painted black). But the drinks were extortionate. I don't need Bombay Sapphire, Gordons will do! It's also the home of 'School Disco' and that's a big turn off.

*Brixton Academy - (capacity 4900) - yes it's a whopper but it has a gently sloping floor for your viewing pleasure, a rather fancy staircase should you suddenly wish to recreate that scene from Gone with the Wind and *LuceFringey's bus home goes from right outside- yey! *NB this is merely fact not an open invite for 'all back to mine'

*Hammersmith Apollo - (capacity 5000) - Not as good as Brixton, and had to go upstairs to use the bar.

*Alexandra Palace - (capacity 8000) - beautiful building, but crosses the line into "too big" as a venue for me. Only go if you love the band and you're sure that the next time they play will be in an arena. If not, just wait till they get over the ego stroke of playing the ally pally and get back to Brixton or Hammersmith!

*the Fringey Imaginary Ideal Venue - (capacity about 400)
Would be in Central London, have bars along any walls that were not the stage, a separate bar area away from the stage incase the support act is dire, a gently slopping floor and the Gin would always be on special offer ....